Seriously.....what the fuck???

In between exit 72 and 75 there is a man walking on the side of the I-n-t-e-r-s-t-a-t-e (said really slow with a variety of enunciation as to emphasize ‘Interstate’) who is wearing a faded black outfit, possibly jorts, outlined in sweat stains with a plastic bag from Wall Greens in their hands. Three questions…that’s all I ask. 1. Where are they going on FOOT 2. Where the fuck are they coming from considering they wound up on the side of a highway and 3. What is penciled in on their ‘agenda for life.’

The highway wanderer and their garb isn’t one visual you can look at and dissect in the ‘oh NOW I get it’ type thinking now is it. And don’t give me the ‘maybe that’s the only way they can get around’ statement because a Lynx bus ticket is comparable in price to one of those atrocious light blue “Community Matters” wrist bands (popularized by one nut Armstrong…thanks asshole) so we aren’t talking a huge amount of money. And common sense should tell us all that walking side by side with 70 mile per hour cars, most of which are navigated by 75+ people who still wear Sani-Pads ain’t the best fucking way to ensure you make it to your final destination, unless its death, in which case, you are on target.

I'll even go ahead and say they didn't find the shortest route using MAPQUEST, so that excuse is out. I haven’t been this confused since I drove past RaceRock and saw it offered vanilla shakes and H-E-L-I-C-O-P-T-E-R Rides (said exactly like Interstate).

And always a black shirt, black pants, black shoes, or one of the before mentioned. Now, for Johnny Rapist, who just got done eyeing down a recently rohypnol’d UCF Delta Gamma in the middle of the ‘Paris Hilton’ dance club, this outfit makes sense…which I use loosely. Other then that, black is the one color, which absorbs heat as if you are asking the sun to focus on you. Walking in Orlando to keep warm are we?? And don’t give me the ‘have no money for clothes’ statement, because ‘sans’ shirt is free, which is a better option that using your shirt as a thin veil for your sweaty chest. The only other group I know who has such a dressing ritual is retards, because they are always wearing those black sneakers found on the creepy racks at Wall Mart…you know the brand…they’re called ‘Sierras” or “TopFlights” or some other cool name that no one has every heard of but aesthetically resemble Reebok or Nikes including the pocket of no return where you can keep a quarter. And don’t act like your not thinking the same G-d damn thing…because you are. Moving on….

“Wow, hurricane Katrina is just like 9-11.” Yeah, and Nickelback is just like Metallica. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. I have now heard over one hundred idiots make that statement and if you wear black sneakers you might be able to make sense of this statement, or at least drool on your shirt and piss yourself. The only thing they have in common is that it was bad and people died. Outside of that, you’ve left logic back where I left my class. It’s like drawing a comparison between getting kicked in the nuts by an ex girlfriend who you passed VD too and your brakes giving out while driving down a road. Both suck. Both will hurt cha, but one was done on purpose and the other…well the other one involved brake pads, rotors, manifold gaskets, and other shit I don’t understand. Two things can’t be the same if one lacks PURPOSE. A second grader who still wipes his ass with his hands can point that difference out to you. (DISCLAIMER: If you see a second grader wiping his ass with his hand I think it might be best to ‘pass’ on getting his opinion because he might be dealing with a couple other deeper issues…and one probably involves the next store neighbor who insists on being called Uncle).

Now, I admit, this rambling was a little bit vulgar and distasteful, but you know what…people are fucking weird and fucking annoying...me included. Guess I’ll have to deal with it then…