My Job is Identity Theft

After sliding the gear shift into park I hopped out on 9th and Main two blocks from Cantina, the best Mexican restaurant in Steamboat Springs Colorado. I closed the door to my ’05 SUV and met up with some people who have titles with far more words then mine. Had top shelf margaritas, began with a slight slur, and then eyed down 40 year old woman who would have gone for a bit of me in a heart beat. Ate a shrimp laced enchilada, which was recommended by a local who I could tell on physical looks alone had a comprehensive understanding of eating. Grand Marnier neat then the bell rung and I called it a night.

You see, I had to head back to the upscale resort. I was staying at one of their Suites during my 5 day ‘work session’ where I would master the art of rock climbing, hike through the red reek trails, enjoy food and wine I can’t pronounce (albeit I can say enchilada with a spot on Spanish accent), all on company time. My credit couldn’t get me into a ’89 Volvo, and my possessions could be used in trade for a grilled Cuban from 7-11. But we aren’t talking about me. I live in a two bedroom apartment across from Lake Eola. My bank account dries up faster then a porn star ‘sans’ lubrication. I don’t even think I ever bought a bottle of wine on my own, unless you consider the ‘box stands’ of Franzia we pulled back in ’02. I live in Orlando…not even the nice part of Orlando. It’s time to figure out ‘x’ in this little equation.

The following statement may or may not be true:

“I am a 26 year old hack.”

That is not to say I am incompetent. I am not throwing a pity party. I don’t have that penciled in for about 2 more years and there are no Early Rewards programs currently redeemable. What I am saying is that Susan Shemmer, who was knocked up by 9th grade before I knew the accurate definition of 3rd base (which I think is a grossly inaccurate use of words…finger fucking…hypocrisy) could most likely bring the same skill set which has allowed me to enjoy a 6 days vacation out west in a four star hotel with spa and herbal body treatments, a outside heated pool with jacuzzi, two decks overlooking the entire rocky mountain region and a fireplace I can’t figure out how to turn on. The cost of the vacation….thanks client. Getting paid while I am out here…thanks employer. And I know it is very hard to be away from your wife and your new baby boy. Luckily I have neither and will be away from my crazy roommate (Not crazy ‘haha’ but crazy ‘uhoh’). YES, this is my job. And while it might not be like this all the time, it ain’t such a bad fucking place to be. Did I earn it? Is there someone more qualified? Am I growing as a strategic thinker? Could I be using this time more effectively and efficiently instead of typing away at 11pm?

The answer is ‘I don’t fucking care.” Bigger things my friends. You see, I got to get up at 10 tomorrow…got to go work out in the facility center, catch a dip in the pool then swing over to the Sauna so I can sweat out all the alcohol impurities. THEN I got to hit the shower and grab the valet so he can fetch my car as I want everything to be wrapped up because I don’t want to be late for my first meeting at noon…after all, it’s about a pretty compelling collateral piece.

I never met a hack who I didn’t admire.